It has been four months since my last entry and my, have things changed in these four months. So I now reside in Japan, with my wife and have started my PhD. Many changes indeed. I’ve been keeping everyone updated with my status mainly through facebook, because well no one reads this blog (yes I like to remind my phantom viewers of this fact).

Life is very much different now; I’m more focused towards research and work. I have a goal, which is to complete my PhD within 3 years. For those unfamiliar, people usually finish in >3 years; so it’s a formidable task.

Living in a different country hasn’t changed my lifestyle too much; just mainly my diet is different. I just play much less basketball now and work more.

And lastly I am a married man now. I’ve actually always treated my better half as my wife anyway but now I have paper proof; so it hasn’t been too different. It is definitely a big step forward and I need to think more about my future now. In the meantime, I have a poster to make for a presentation on Monday. Life in Japan: busy times.

““People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.””

- Mother Teresa

Because what matters the most is your heart. It’s never about the things outside of your heart.

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.

There are many reasons why we don’t go after our dreams. The main reason, I believe, is that our dreams have faded away along the years. We dream as kids to be firemen, doctors, pilots or astronauts. Because at that point of our lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. Kids are never afraid to dream. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.

We grow to believe that we are unable to achieve our dreams; and we become fearful. Why don’t people’s hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams? Because that’s what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don’t like to suffer. Fear is the main obstacle to almost everything in life. The fear of suffering, fear of disappointment and naturally we’re afraid that, in pursuing our dream, we might lose everything we’ve won.

The Alchemist is a book about listening to your heart and following your dreams. It tales the story of a shepherd in search of his dream and treasure. It describes his journey and the lessons he learns along the way. And by following his heart, he is able to overcome his fear and gain the most important treasures in life. Follow his magnificent journey and may it be inspiration for you to follow your heart and dreams. Because when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

*in italics are quotes borrowed from the book, either directly or paraphrased.

My interest in biology began when I first sat in the class of my year 9 biology teacher. I just enjoyed biology but I was much better at maths. I continued studying biology in high school and did equally well in maths and biology. Then came university and I had to enrol in something. I never thought about what I wanted to do after university but chose to do a Bachelor of Science. I got in and had to choose subjects; having no clue I just chose to follow the 3 year biological science plan. I finished my degree and got the best results in a subject called genomics and bioinformatics. I applied to do honours with many group leaders involved with biological projects but was turned down for many reasons (mostly they had no room). All that was left was a project in bioinformatics and I got accepted. I finished my honours and started looking for work, any work at all. Lab technician, lab assistant, soil tester, lab cleaner, anything! Alas I was unsuccessful. One day I decided to look at the CSIRO webpage and found a work experience program. I applied and got accepted. After 6 months of work experience I was hired by them. My first real job. When it neared the end of my term I found a job advertisement, a position just around the corner. I applied and got the position. A major snafu occurred just before I started and it would haunt me for the entire time I was there. Determined to set things straight I worked tirelessly. My efforts would not go unnoticed. Recently I was told of a PhD opportunity by a previous colleague, something I’ve always wanted to do. It was an opportunity that fitted to every requirement I had. I had rejected the opportunity once, but it still came back to me. So I applied. And I got the position.

And here I am about to start my new journey. You can argue that everything that has happened shaped the future, rather than having everything planned. But I still feel that I had been destined. Had I not only one last honours option, would I have worked as hard as I did? If I had not been rejected so many times when I applied for work, would I have cherished my CSIRO position as much and worked like I didn’t need to sleep? Had I not made a major snafu just before the start of my position, would I have had the cause and focus to work like there was no tomorrow? And had I not been doing extra work, would I have ever been noticed and been told of the PhD opportunity?

And what if I had never bumped into Dr. Davies my grade 9 and 10 biology teacher? Mathematician? Astronaut? I’ll never know since that wasn’t the plan.

“Men’s natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart.” – Confucius

Time is limited and as I get older I feel that I should focus my time on doing things that are worthwhile. The number one thing that I avoid doing is playing video games. And the activity that I try to do the most is reading, especially books on philosophy or books related to work i.e. computers and biology. This need, of doing worthwhile things, really stems from thinking about my future. The need to start a family, purchase a house and advance my career. But are things like this universally important to everyone?

I guess the real question to ask is, what do you want out of life? And that’s a tough question to answer; especially when you’re alone sitting in your room. I have asked myself this question many times. My answers usually have something to do with “helping people” and “being happy”. Not very specific but it’s a good start. Helping people gives you one of the greatest joys a person can experience, but there are just so many different ways to help people. My current work now helps biologists understand kidneys more, which may someday indirectly help patients with kidney problems. But most of the times, I just see myself working on the computer.

So back to the original question, what do you do in your spare time? Lately, I’ve been obsessed with a book called “The Alchemist”. I highlighted passages in the book that I enjoy and can relate to, watched “The English Patient (again)” to help my visualisation of the desert (The English Patient’s setting is in the desert), and read the book some more. And if you know what “The Alchemist” is about, you’ll know that I am constantly striving to understand the world better and to find myself. So although this blog entry seems to be going all over the place, my main message is encapsulated in the quote stated right at the start of my entry; what a person does in his/her spare time has a lot to do with what the person is like.

But me being me, I didn’t really want to publish this entry because it is so poorly written. And I’m one of those people that scribbles ideas on a piece of paper and then crumples it up x100! Being a perfectionist is more negative than positive!

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most, always like it the least – Lord Chesterfield 1748 in a letter to his son.

Have you ever felt compelled to give someone advice or to advise them of their mistake when you know that they have erred but hesitated to do so? I know I have, on many occasions. For example, you may notice an apparent and undesirable bad habit that a friend has. Most if not all times, I would like to tell them about it and I have many times in the past. Sometimes they tell me “Yeah I know, it’s something I’ve been trying to adjust”. But after a while when you meet your friend again, they don’t seem to have changed at all. Other times people like to justify their bad habits or they tell me it’s really not much of a big deal. And at that particular moment, I don’t really have anything to say. For once I would like someone tell me “Oh sorry I hadn’t noticed, thanks for telling me” upon hearing my advice. But most people are aware of their problems, they just sweep it under the carpet and it resurfaces every now and then.

So over the years, I’ve lost enthusiasm towards giving people advice. If people want to change, they will do it themselves. More importantly people don’t like it when you’re not minding your own business. But as a friend to the many people who have problems, I still want to tell my friends how having such a habit is bad for them. Sure I have many bad and poor habits myself (who doesn’t?) and I’m not a qualified psychologist/counsellor of some sort. But I still would like to tell them.

On the contrary, I would love to have someone tell me of my problems. I would appreciate the effort of them telling me of my problems. But most people don’t like to talk about these things to avoid awkward conversations. And I have to admit I’m not the most inviting person when it comes to conversations, so I have yet met someone who has told me of my problems (or perhaps I’m just perfect). It would be nice to have someone come and tell me of a bad habit that I have; for example “Hey Dave, you know that yawning without covering your mouse is pretty rude in Australia?”. I have been told that once when I first came to Australia, and have since never yawned without covering my mouth.

When I look back on all these worries I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened — Sir Winston Churchill

I love reading articles that I can totally related to and understand. Today I read this one titled “Self Doubt: A Disease that Doesn’t Discriminate!”. The article starts off much in the style of “The Eighth Habit” by Stephen Covey, where the author writes about common problems everyday people faced. I could relate to many of the listed issues related to self doubt; “What if I’m not qualified enough?”, “What if I get all excited – like I always do – and then fail?”, “What if I disappoint people?” which ultimately leads to “Hmm, perhaps I need a little more time to plan and think about this”.

The only thing I wanted to add to the article is that fear is such a deeply embedded disease. And even when we have acknowledged our problem of fear and made a decision to face our fears, it is an extremely difficult problem to face. Rejection and humiliation are the worst feelings in the world, which is why fear is so powerful. So while the article was great, I felt it was a little tough on people whose lives are affected by fear. I whole heartedly agree that the solution is you, because only you can face your fears and manage your fears. And it’s one of those problems that takes so much effort to correct but the tiniest set back can undo all that was done. The solution I believe will involve a lot of support from friends and family, and taking very small steps on the stairway of fearlessness.

Admiration is a very short-lived passion that immediately decays upon growing familiar with its object, unless it be still fed with fresh discoveries, and kept alive by a perpetual succession of miracles rising into view – Joseph Addison (English essayist, poet, playwright and statesman).

I’ve had some experience as a salesman and one of the things we were trained on is impulse. Always remember to remind the customer that this is a limited offer (even if it isn’t). Impulse is also the basis of those infomercials you see 3am in the morning (if you’re ever up watching t.v. at that hour). Call now and receive this and that absolutely free. This offer is only limited to the next 500 callers so be quick. I’ve been suckered into buying one of these products. It was a series of audio cassettes that claims to help your memory. The first couple of tapes were pretty cool, but eventually I found the product to be pretty shallow and unapplicable. I was 14.

We are constantly trying to distinguish between admiration or passion, lust or love, and impulse or real need. We try to change careers, change partners, buy new products all in an attempt to find our passion. Why is it so hard to find something that we can adhere to? I believe it has to do with freshness. The quote at the start of this entry basically encapsulates my whole belief of passion. I believe humans are innately wired to keep demanding freshness. It’s a trait that has been selected during evolution. Because if we were content with what we had, the human race wouldn’t have evolved so quickly since the neanderthals. No other species are like humans, which you may argue is not a good thing (listen to Agent Smith in “The Matrix”).

So unless there is a perpetual succession of freshness, we won’t really further lust into love, admiration into passion and impulse into continual need. It’s just like playing a role playing computer game, where you want to level up your character and find the best items in the game. But the addiction dies out once you have reached the highest level and found all the items in the game (which is something I have achieved in Diablo 2, twice). I had my level 99 character (with several others close to 99) and all the best items in the game; then I asked myself now what?

So when you are searching for your passion, find something that continually brings you joy and a feeling of accomplishment (Diablo 2 is probably not an ideal candidate). Find something that makes you get out of bed every morning (preferably not coco pops). And once you find your passion, I’m sure great things will happen.

I have recently read a post from zen habits about “being still”. It described today’s society as one that is in constant motion; one where we spend each moment doing something or another. A busy lifestyle is seen as one that is productive and engaging; on the contrary when we are being idle or still we are percieved as being lazy or inefficient. As a consequence we try to jam pack as much as we can in a day; when we get a spare moment we’ll check our emails, our phones or read up on news. We feel the need to constantly bombard ourselves with information so that we seem to make the most out of 24 hour day.

However while we might be achieving more, there is a price to pay. In the exact words of Leo (founder of zen habits) “This comes at a cost: we lose that time for contemplation, for observing and listening. We lose peace.” Life is all about balance, and we can’t neglect the part of us that requires this peace. With that I decided to be still for a moment and reflect.

I sat and pondered on my current situation. I looked back 4 years ago, a fresh honours graduate going through a tough relationship. I suffered from depression, low self esteem, and a general lack of direction. It was tough back then, especially when I lacked the support I needed. It is a very long story (which I plan to graduately write about), but I am glad to have met many people along the way that made things better. Life is very different these days. I’m in more control of my life and much happier. I still have the down times but they don’t last. I have chosen to be happy.

Thinking back and reflecting makes me appreciate the things I have today. I enjoy my work, I am in good health and have a better half. Sometimes it is nice to be still; it makes you appreciate the things you have in life.

I enjoy reading blogs to see what others’ think and reflect on their ideas. Since I like to write I always like to compare my blog to the ones I read. Most of the times I just feel that my entries are never as good as the ones I read. When I write about technology and then read another blog on technology, I always have this inferior feeling and feel like removing my blog. This is why I don’t really like to publicise what I write, which wasn’t my motive to starting this blog in the first place.

I know a lot of people like to compare, and it is just a part of us. Parents almost always compare their kids to other kids, especially my mother. Its good to have a benchmark but sometimes comparing too much leaves us worst off. I can’t really help it though and I always set my bar up too high. I compare myself to professionals who specialise themselves in an area but logic doesn’t come into play whenever I compare.

Stephen Covey describes comparing as one of six metastasizing cancers; the other five are criticizing, complaining, competing, contending, and cynicism. I have had 3 of the 6 cancers throughout my childhood; competing, contending and comparing in almost everything I do. I’m much more lax these days but I still find things to compare. Its hard not to compare, but I guess the next time I find myself making a comparison I’ll try to think in a logical manner. And if I really want to contend and compete, I’ll try to see the value of such actions. Besides sometimes it’s ok to be inferior to someone who is superior.