And no one is more fun than her, so let’s write about her (and she never reads my blog, so I can be blunt ). She is really the light of my life; I’m the dull and boring guy, and she is the exciting one. If it weren’t for her, I couldn’t even finish this post since I’m no fun at all. And I think the phrase “better half” couldn’t be more suiting.

You know how when people grow older, they get more defensive, become less inquisitive, and lose that enthusiasm and purity that kids innately have? I know I am generalising but I believe it is a common phenomenon. Well she is still that naive, happy and uncorrupted child. It makes me smile just thinking about her. I wrote her a poem along the lines of being a “Rose in this concrete world”. Although she mentioned that she likes lavender

She has the most beautiful smile in the world; people just look at her and like her instantly. She is extremely good around people, and carries this aura of happiness. Am I exaggerating because she is my partner? Actually I think I am doing the opposite of exaggeration, since I don’t think I can capture her beauty with my writing.

Where ever she goes, she is THE child magnet. Kids love her, which is why I always encourage her to open a childcare. Her friends love her. But most importantly I love her. How did she end up with an over analysing, logical, soft spoken computer guy? Well that’s how relationships work; one half makes up what’s missing in the other half. And with that I end with this (I just couldn’t resist quoting ):

“I have lost count of the number of couples I have known in whom one partner’s apparent vices exactly correspond to the other’s virtues: bumptiousness to charm, noisiness to quietness, talking to listening, selfishness to grace, nastiness to kindness, meanness to generosity, closed to open, nasty to nice. I suppose people often look for a partner who can voice the parts of themselves they have difficulty in expressing.” – John Lanchester in Fragrant Harbour page 64.

I’ve had some experience as a salesman and one of the things we were trained on is impulse. Always remember to remind the customer that this is a limited offer (even if it isn’t). Impulse is also the basis of those infomercials you see 3am in the morning (if you’re ever up watching t.v. at that hour). Call now and receive this and that absolutely free. This offer is only limited to the next 500 callers so be quick. I’ve been suckered into buying one of these products. It was a series of audio cassettes that claims to help your memory. The first couple of tapes were pretty cool, but eventually I found the product to be pretty shallow and unapplicable. I was 14.

We are constantly trying to distinguish between admiration or passion, lust or love, and impulse or real need. We try to change careers, change partners, buy new products all in an attempt to find our passion. Why is it so hard to find something that we can adhere to? I believe it has to do with freshness. The quote at the start of this entry basically encapsulates my whole belief of passion. I believe humans are innately wired to keep demanding freshness. It’s a trait that has been selected during evolution. Because if we were content with what we had, the human race wouldn’t have evolved so quickly since the neanderthals. No other species are like humans, which you may argue is not a good thing (listen to Agent Smith in “The Matrix”).

So unless there is a perpetual succession of freshness, we won’t really further lust into love, admiration into passion and impulse into continual need. It’s just like playing a role playing computer game, where you want to level up your character and find the best items in the game. But the addiction dies out once you have reached the highest level and found all the items in the game (which is something I have achieved in Diablo 2, twice). I had my level 99 character (with several others close to 99) and all the best items in the game; then I asked myself now what?

So when you are searching for your passion, find something that continually brings you joy and a feeling of accomplishment (Diablo 2 is probably not an ideal candidate). Find something that makes you get out of bed every morning (preferably not coco pops). And once you find your passion, I’m sure great things will happen.

However while we might be achieving more, there is a price to pay. In the exact words of Leo (founder of zen habits) “This comes at a cost: we lose that time for contemplation, for observing and listening. We lose peace.” Life is all about balance, and we can’t neglect the part of us that requires this peace. With that I decided to be still for a moment and reflect.

I sat and pondered on my current situation. I looked back 4 years ago, a fresh honours graduate going through a tough relationship. I suffered from depression, low self esteem, and a general lack of direction. It was tough back then, especially when I lacked the support I needed. It is a very long story (which I plan to graduately write about), but I am glad to have met many people along the way that made things better. Life is very different these days. I’m in more control of my life and much happier. I still have the down times but they don’t last. I have chosen to be happy.

Thinking back and reflecting makes me appreciate the things I have today. I enjoy my work, I am in good health and have a better half. Sometimes it is nice to be still; it makes you appreciate the things you have in life.

I have sat and pondered over the meaning and message of this simple story. It’s a simple message, we are sad when we don’t have what we want. And when we get what we want, we want more. It’s true to the core. I remember as a kid, I had a video game console but with no games. The game I wanted more than anything else in this world was Street Fighter 2. But it was sold for a ridiculous price, since I was in PNG and these things are very rare and valuable. I told my parents and myself that I would only need to have one game and I would be content if I got Street Fighter 2. After gaining possession of the game, I remember soon after I got bored of the game and actually wanted more games even when I assured my parents and myself that I would only want one game! Almost 2 decades later, I find myself in the same situation where I have this superficial want. It’s ok to want more, but sometimes we need to distinguish between a want and a need.

The beauty of the story is that you can relate the story to many different scenarios. You can relate it to how we all keep taking from nature and this world; how we keep asking for more and are never content; and generally how we are just damn insatiable because we all have holes. I love the Buddhist philosophy; they believe that desire and ignorance lie at the root of suffering. We all need to develop that mentality; we need to know what we want, and want what we have.