I just finished reading an article on stagnancy http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/5-steps-to-move-out-of-stagnancy-in-life.html. From my own experience I couldn’t agree more with all the suggestions given. I’m one of those cyclic people; I go on a high working tirelessly and then I reach a low point. So now I try to relax a bit more and spent some time doing things other than work.

My one tip for combating stagnancy is to start slowly and let the momentum build. This is especially useful when you are having trouble starting a project; start with something mundane. I have trouble with focusing when reading something very technical, so I start off by writing down what I read. The combined motor action helps me focus more and gets me started. The hardest part to combating stagnancy is getting started. So start off slow and steady.

It has been four months since my last entry and my, have things changed in these four months. So I now reside in Japan, with my wife and have started my PhD. Many changes indeed. I’ve been keeping everyone updated with my status mainly through facebook, because well no one reads this blog (yes I like to remind my phantom viewers of this fact).

Life is very much different now; I’m more focused towards research and work. I have a goal, which is to complete my PhD within 3 years. For those unfamiliar, people usually finish in >3 years; so it’s a formidable task.

Living in a different country hasn’t changed my lifestyle too much; just mainly my diet is different. I just play much less basketball now and work more.

And lastly I am a married man now. I’ve actually always treated my better half as my wife anyway but now I have paper proof; so it hasn’t been too different. It is definitely a big step forward and I need to think more about my future now. In the meantime, I have a poster to make for a presentation on Monday. Life in Japan: busy times.

It’s been almost 10 months since I’ve started this blog. I still haven’t advertised my site (davetang.org) or my blog (davetang.org/wordpress) to friends and family, although if you Google “Dave Tang”, davetang.org is the second hit! (yes I Google myself). I guess I can’t compete with davetanghorses.com, with their 40 years of experience with horses (just to clarify, they are first hit, if you Google Dave Tang).

But the purpose of having my own site was just for the satisfaction of owning a domain, especially one with my name in it! And the purpose of my blog, was just to have an outlet for the many things that cross my mind. Although I am a bit more attentive to what I write these days due to a very bad experience. I dread what happened, but it was a good experience in professionalism.

But you know, sometimes I still want to delete this blog. Keeping this blog, opens me up to the world. I may be attacked, criticised and be judged for what I write. My pages are open to anyone with an internet connection (who at this stage, has to bother with Googling me). And there’s always the problem of me wanting my blog to be a perfectly articulated piece of art, which it isn’t and which it why I want to delete it.

But I mean, this is me. This is who I am; these are my interests and these are the things I care about. I am not perfect and there will be times when I have difficulty with issues, just like anybody else. So I think I’ve come to accept the fact that this is really me. And I’m not writing a novel either.

““People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.””

- Mother Teresa

Because what matters the most is your heart. It’s never about the things outside of your heart.

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.

There are many reasons why we don’t go after our dreams. The main reason, I believe, is that our dreams have faded away along the years. We dream as kids to be firemen, doctors, pilots or astronauts. Because at that point of our lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. Kids are never afraid to dream. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.

We grow to believe that we are unable to achieve our dreams; and we become fearful. Why don’t people’s hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams? Because that’s what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don’t like to suffer. Fear is the main obstacle to almost everything in life. The fear of suffering, fear of disappointment and naturally we’re afraid that, in pursuing our dream, we might lose everything we’ve won.

The Alchemist is a book about listening to your heart and following your dreams. It tales the story of a shepherd in search of his dream and treasure. It describes his journey and the lessons he learns along the way. And by following his heart, he is able to overcome his fear and gain the most important treasures in life. Follow his magnificent journey and may it be inspiration for you to follow your heart and dreams. Because when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

*in italics are quotes borrowed from the book, either directly or paraphrased.

“Men’s natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart.” – Confucius

Time is limited and as I get older I feel that I should focus my time on doing things that are worthwhile. The number one thing that I avoid doing is playing video games. And the activity that I try to do the most is reading, especially books on philosophy or books related to work i.e. computers and biology. This need, of doing worthwhile things, really stems from thinking about my future. The need to start a family, purchase a house and advance my career. But are things like this universally important to everyone?

I guess the real question to ask is, what do you want out of life? And that’s a tough question to answer; especially when you’re alone sitting in your room. I have asked myself this question many times. My answers usually have something to do with “helping people” and “being happy”. Not very specific but it’s a good start. Helping people gives you one of the greatest joys a person can experience, but there are just so many different ways to help people. My current work now helps biologists understand kidneys more, which may someday indirectly help patients with kidney problems. But most of the times, I just see myself working on the computer.

So back to the original question, what do you do in your spare time? Lately, I’ve been obsessed with a book called “The Alchemist”. I highlighted passages in the book that I enjoy and can relate to, watched “The English Patient (again)” to help my visualisation of the desert (The English Patient’s setting is in the desert), and read the book some more. And if you know what “The Alchemist” is about, you’ll know that I am constantly striving to understand the world better and to find myself. So although this blog entry seems to be going all over the place, my main message is encapsulated in the quote stated right at the start of my entry; what a person does in his/her spare time has a lot to do with what the person is like.

But me being me, I didn’t really want to publish this entry because it is so poorly written. And I’m one of those people that scribbles ideas on a piece of paper and then crumples it up x100! Being a perfectionist is more negative than positive!

No Perl, no technology, no pseudo-philosophy/pseudo-intellectual stuff and boring stuff I write about. Let me write about something fun. I’m flying back to Hong Kong tonight. I will get to see my girlfriend whom I haven’t seen since August 23rd.

And no one is more fun than her, so let’s write about her (and she never reads my blog, so I can be blunt ). She is really the light of my life; I’m the dull and boring guy, and she is the exciting one. If it weren’t for her, I couldn’t even finish this post since I’m no fun at all. And I think the phrase “better half” couldn’t be more suiting.

You know how when people grow older, they get more defensive, become less inquisitive, and lose that enthusiasm and purity that kids innately have? I know I am generalising but I believe it is a common phenomenon. Well she is still that naive, happy and uncorrupted child. It makes me smile just thinking about her. I wrote her a poem along the lines of being a “Rose in this concrete world”. Although she mentioned that she likes lavender

She has the most beautiful smile in the world; people just look at her and like her instantly. She is extremely good around people, and carries this aura of happiness. Am I exaggerating because she is my partner? Actually I think I am doing the opposite of exaggeration, since I don’t think I can capture her beauty with my writing.

Where ever she goes, she is THE child magnet. Kids love her, which is why I always encourage her to open a childcare. Her friends love her. But most importantly I love her. How did she end up with an over analysing, logical, soft spoken computer guy? Well that’s how relationships work; one half makes up what’s missing in the other half. And with that I end with this (I just couldn’t resist quoting ):

“I have lost count of the number of couples I have known in whom one partner’s apparent vices exactly correspond to the other’s virtues: bumptiousness to charm, noisiness to quietness, talking to listening, selfishness to grace, nastiness to kindness, meanness to generosity, closed to open, nasty to nice. I suppose people often look for a partner who can voice the parts of themselves they have difficulty in expressing.” – John Lanchester in Fragrant Harbour page 64.

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most, always like it the least – Lord Chesterfield 1748 in a letter to his son.

Have you ever felt compelled to give someone advice or to advise them of their mistake when you know that they have erred but hesitated to do so? I know I have, on many occasions. For example, you may notice an apparent and undesirable bad habit that a friend has. Most if not all times, I would like to tell them about it and I have many times in the past. Sometimes they tell me “Yeah I know, it’s something I’ve been trying to adjust”. But after a while when you meet your friend again, they don’t seem to have changed at all. Other times people like to justify their bad habits or they tell me it’s really not much of a big deal. And at that particular moment, I don’t really have anything to say. For once I would like someone tell me “Oh sorry I hadn’t noticed, thanks for telling me” upon hearing my advice. But most people are aware of their problems, they just sweep it under the carpet and it resurfaces every now and then.

So over the years, I’ve lost enthusiasm towards giving people advice. If people want to change, they will do it themselves. More importantly people don’t like it when you’re not minding your own business. But as a friend to the many people who have problems, I still want to tell my friends how having such a habit is bad for them. Sure I have many bad and poor habits myself (who doesn’t?) and I’m not a qualified psychologist/counsellor of some sort. But I still would like to tell them.

On the contrary, I would love to have someone tell me of my problems. I would appreciate the effort of them telling me of my problems. But most people don’t like to talk about these things to avoid awkward conversations. And I have to admit I’m not the most inviting person when it comes to conversations, so I have yet met someone who has told me of my problems (or perhaps I’m just perfect). It would be nice to have someone come and tell me of a bad habit that I have; for example “Hey Dave, you know that yawning without covering your mouse is pretty rude in Australia?”. I have been told that once when I first came to Australia, and have since never yawned without covering my mouth.

Admiration is a very short-lived passion that immediately decays upon growing familiar with its object, unless it be still fed with fresh discoveries, and kept alive by a perpetual succession of miracles rising into view – Joseph Addison (English essayist, poet, playwright and statesman).

I’ve had some experience as a salesman and one of the things we were trained on is impulse. Always remember to remind the customer that this is a limited offer (even if it isn’t). Impulse is also the basis of those infomercials you see 3am in the morning (if you’re ever up watching t.v. at that hour). Call now and receive this and that absolutely free. This offer is only limited to the next 500 callers so be quick. I’ve been suckered into buying one of these products. It was a series of audio cassettes that claims to help your memory. The first couple of tapes were pretty cool, but eventually I found the product to be pretty shallow and unapplicable. I was 14.

We are constantly trying to distinguish between admiration or passion, lust or love, and impulse or real need. We try to change careers, change partners, buy new products all in an attempt to find our passion. Why is it so hard to find something that we can adhere to? I believe it has to do with freshness. The quote at the start of this entry basically encapsulates my whole belief of passion. I believe humans are innately wired to keep demanding freshness. It’s a trait that has been selected during evolution. Because if we were content with what we had, the human race wouldn’t have evolved so quickly since the neanderthals. No other species are like humans, which you may argue is not a good thing (listen to Agent Smith in “The Matrix”).

So unless there is a perpetual succession of freshness, we won’t really further lust into love, admiration into passion and impulse into continual need. It’s just like playing a role playing computer game, where you want to level up your character and find the best items in the game. But the addiction dies out once you have reached the highest level and found all the items in the game (which is something I have achieved in Diablo 2, twice). I had my level 99 character (with several others close to 99) and all the best items in the game; then I asked myself now what?

So when you are searching for your passion, find something that continually brings you joy and a feeling of accomplishment (Diablo 2 is probably not an ideal candidate). Find something that makes you get out of bed every morning (preferably not coco pops). And once you find your passion, I’m sure great things will happen.

I enjoy reading blogs to see what others’ think and reflect on their ideas. Since I like to write I always like to compare my blog to the ones I read. Most of the times I just feel that my entries are never as good as the ones I read. When I write about technology and then read another blog on technology, I always have this inferior feeling and feel like removing my blog. This is why I don’t really like to publicise what I write, which wasn’t my motive to starting this blog in the first place.

I know a lot of people like to compare, and it is just a part of us. Parents almost always compare their kids to other kids, especially my mother. Its good to have a benchmark but sometimes comparing too much leaves us worst off. I can’t really help it though and I always set my bar up too high. I compare myself to professionals who specialise themselves in an area but logic doesn’t come into play whenever I compare.

Stephen Covey describes comparing as one of six metastasizing cancers; the other five are criticizing, complaining, competing, contending, and cynicism. I have had 3 of the 6 cancers throughout my childhood; competing, contending and comparing in almost everything I do. I’m much more lax these days but I still find things to compare. Its hard not to compare, but I guess the next time I find myself making a comparison I’ll try to think in a logical manner. And if I really want to contend and compete, I’ll try to see the value of such actions. Besides sometimes it’s ok to be inferior to someone who is superior.