It’s been almost 10 months since I’ve started this blog. I still haven’t advertised my site (davetang.org) or my blog (davetang.org/wordpress) to friends and family, although if you Google “Dave Tang”, davetang.org is the second hit! (yes I Google myself). I guess I can’t compete with davetanghorses.com, with their 40 years of experience with horses (just to clarify, they are first hit, if you Google Dave Tang).

But the purpose of having my own site was just for the satisfaction of owning a domain, especially one with my name in it! And the purpose of my blog, was just to have an outlet for the many things that cross my mind. Although I am a bit more attentive to what I write these days due to a very bad experience. I dread what happened, but it was a good experience in professionalism.

But you know, sometimes I still want to delete this blog. Keeping this blog, opens me up to the world. I may be attacked, criticised and be judged for what I write. My pages are open to anyone with an internet connection (who at this stage, has to bother with Googling me). And there’s always the problem of me wanting my blog to be a perfectly articulated piece of art, which it isn’t and which it why I want to delete it.

But I mean, this is me. This is who I am; these are my interests and these are the things I care about. I am not perfect and there will be times when I have difficulty with issues, just like anybody else. So I think I’ve come to accept the fact that this is really me. And I’m not writing a novel either.

““People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.””

- Mother Teresa

Because what matters the most is your heart. It’s never about the things outside of your heart.

You know that feeling. Where you’re that close to finishing a project, or achieving a goal, or crossing a task off your to-do list … but you just can’t muster the energy. You’ve lost interest. You’re exhausted. Drained. And you don’t know why. From zenhabits.

I have been burned out several times in my life while working on big projects. There are several trends I see during the times I’ve burned out: it’s a big project where I am the only person working on it, I spend the first couple of months working tirelessly and after a while my interest has dropped. And the article from zenhabits describes it beautifully:

It’s like driving toward a mountain in the distance. You can drive for hours, but the mountain doesn’t seem to get any closer. And spinning your wheels gets real tiring real fast.

And the rest of the article talks about how you should set goals, work less and just enjoy your free time. I find a balance between work and life are extremely important and the article stresses this point and I couldn’t agree more.

I’d just like to add a further point of “How to start working”. Sure we may have all the right requirements in the car to start the engine, inspiration, motivation and anticipation, but we first need to start the car. This is also a problem I usually face. But usually I overcome this by doing some extremely simple/mundane work to get started; writing down stuff/taking notes is usually the best way I get my engine started.

Then just like a snowball rolling down a mountain, it turns to an avalanche. And hopefully it keeps on rolling

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.

There are many reasons why we don’t go after our dreams. The main reason, I believe, is that our dreams have faded away along the years. We dream as kids to be firemen, doctors, pilots or astronauts. Because at that point of our lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. Kids are never afraid to dream. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.

We grow to believe that we are unable to achieve our dreams; and we become fearful. Why don’t people’s hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams? Because that’s what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don’t like to suffer. Fear is the main obstacle to almost everything in life. The fear of suffering, fear of disappointment and naturally we’re afraid that, in pursuing our dream, we might lose everything we’ve won.

The Alchemist is a book about listening to your heart and following your dreams. It tales the story of a shepherd in search of his dream and treasure. It describes his journey and the lessons he learns along the way. And by following his heart, he is able to overcome his fear and gain the most important treasures in life. Follow his magnificent journey and may it be inspiration for you to follow your heart and dreams. Because when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

*in italics are quotes borrowed from the book, either directly or paraphrased.

My interest in biology began when I first sat in the class of my year 9 biology teacher. I just enjoyed biology but I was much better at maths. I continued studying biology in high school and did equally well in maths and biology. Then came university and I had to enrol in something. I never thought about what I wanted to do after university but chose to do a Bachelor of Science. I got in and had to choose subjects; having no clue I just chose to follow the 3 year biological science plan. I finished my degree and got the best results in a subject called genomics and bioinformatics. I applied to do honours with many group leaders involved with biological projects but was turned down for many reasons (mostly they had no room). All that was left was a project in bioinformatics and I got accepted. I finished my honours and started looking for work, any work at all. Lab technician, lab assistant, soil tester, lab cleaner, anything! Alas I was unsuccessful. One day I decided to look at the CSIRO webpage and found a work experience program. I applied and got accepted. After 6 months of work experience I was hired by them. My first real job. When it neared the end of my term I found a job advertisement, a position just around the corner. I applied and got the position. A major snafu occurred just before I started and it would haunt me for the entire time I was there. Determined to set things straight I worked tirelessly. My efforts would not go unnoticed. Recently I was told of a PhD opportunity by a previous colleague, something I’ve always wanted to do. It was an opportunity that fitted to every requirement I had. I had rejected the opportunity once, but it still came back to me. So I applied. And I got the position.

And here I am about to start my new journey. You can argue that everything that has happened shaped the future, rather than having everything planned. But I still feel that I had been destined. Had I not only one last honours option, would I have worked as hard as I did? If I had not been rejected so many times when I applied for work, would I have cherished my CSIRO position as much and worked like I didn’t need to sleep? Had I not made a major snafu just before the start of my position, would I have had the cause and focus to work like there was no tomorrow? And had I not been doing extra work, would I have ever been noticed and been told of the PhD opportunity?

And what if I had never bumped into Dr. Davies my grade 9 and 10 biology teacher? Mathematician? Astronaut? I’ll never know since that wasn’t the plan.