What Dave writes

It’s been almost 10 months since I’ve started this blog. I still haven’t advertised my site (davetang.org) or my blog (davetang.org/wordpress) to friends and family, although if you Google “Dave Tang”, davetang.org is the second hit! (yes I Google myself). I guess I can’t compete with davetanghorses.com, with their 40 years of experience with horses (just to clarify, they are first hit, if you Google Dave Tang).

But the purpose of having my own site was just for the satisfaction of owning a domain, especially one with my name in it! And the purpose of my blog, was just to have an outlet for the many things that cross my mind. Although I am a bit more attentive to what I write these days due to a very bad experience. I dread what happened, but it was a good experience in professionalism.

But you know, sometimes I still want to delete this blog. Keeping this blog, opens me up to the world. I may be attacked, criticised and be judged for what I write. My pages are open to anyone with an internet connection (who at this stage, has to bother with Googling me). And there’s always the problem of me wanting my blog to be a perfectly articulated piece of art, which it isn’t and which it why I want to delete it.

But I mean, this is me. This is who I am; these are my interests and these are the things I care about. I am not perfect and there will be times when I have difficulty with issues, just like anybody else. So I think I’ve come to accept the fact that this is really me. And I’m not writing a novel either.

““People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.””

- Mother Teresa

Because what matters the most is your heart. It’s never about the things outside of your heart.

You know that feeling. Where you’re that close to finishing a project, or achieving a goal, or crossing a task off your to-do list … but you just can’t muster the energy. You’ve lost interest. You’re exhausted. Drained. And you don’t know why. From zenhabits.

I have been burned out several times in my life while working on big projects. There are several trends I see during the times I’ve burned out: it’s a big project where I am the only person working on it, I spend the first couple of months working tirelessly and after a while my interest has dropped. And the article from zenhabits describes it beautifully:

It’s like driving toward a mountain in the distance. You can drive for hours, but the mountain doesn’t seem to get any closer. And spinning your wheels gets real tiring real fast.

And the rest of the article talks about how you should set goals, work less and just enjoy your free time. I find a balance between work and life are extremely important and the article stresses this point and I couldn’t agree more.

I’d just like to add a further point of “How to start working”. Sure we may have all the right requirements in the car to start the engine, inspiration, motivation and anticipation, but we first need to start the car. This is also a problem I usually face. But usually I overcome this by doing some extremely simple/mundane work to get started; writing down stuff/taking notes is usually the best way I get my engine started.

Then just like a snowball rolling down a mountain, it turns to an avalanche. And hopefully it keeps on rolling

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.

There are many reasons why we don’t go after our dreams. The main reason, I believe, is that our dreams have faded away along the years. We dream as kids to be firemen, doctors, pilots or astronauts. Because at that point of our lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. Kids are never afraid to dream. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.

We grow to believe that we are unable to achieve our dreams; and we become fearful. Why don’t people’s hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams? Because that’s what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don’t like to suffer. Fear is the main obstacle to almost everything in life. The fear of suffering, fear of disappointment and naturally we’re afraid that, in pursuing our dream, we might lose everything we’ve won.

The Alchemist is a book about listening to your heart and following your dreams. It tales the story of a shepherd in search of his dream and treasure. It describes his journey and the lessons he learns along the way. And by following his heart, he is able to overcome his fear and gain the most important treasures in life. Follow his magnificent journey and may it be inspiration for you to follow your heart and dreams. Because when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

*in italics are quotes borrowed from the book, either directly or paraphrased.

My interest in biology began when I first sat in the class of my year 9 biology teacher. I just enjoyed biology but I was much better at maths. I continued studying biology in high school and did equally well in maths and biology. Then came university and I had to enrol in something. I never thought about what I wanted to do after university but chose to do a Bachelor of Science. I got in and had to choose subjects; having no clue I just chose to follow the 3 year biological science plan. I finished my degree and got the best results in a subject called genomics and bioinformatics. I applied to do honours with many group leaders involved with biological projects but was turned down for many reasons (mostly they had no room). All that was left was a project in bioinformatics and I got accepted. I finished my honours and started looking for work, any work at all. Lab technician, lab assistant, soil tester, lab cleaner, anything! Alas I was unsuccessful. One day I decided to look at the CSIRO webpage and found a work experience program. I applied and got accepted. After 6 months of work experience I was hired by them. My first real job. When it neared the end of my term I found a job advertisement, a position just around the corner. I applied and got the position. A major snafu occurred just before I started and it would haunt me for the entire time I was there. Determined to set things straight I worked tirelessly. My efforts would not go unnoticed. Recently I was told of a PhD opportunity by a previous colleague, something I’ve always wanted to do. It was an opportunity that fitted to every requirement I had. I had rejected the opportunity once, but it still came back to me. So I applied. And I got the position.

And here I am about to start my new journey. You can argue that everything that has happened shaped the future, rather than having everything planned. But I still feel that I had been destined. Had I not only one last honours option, would I have worked as hard as I did? If I had not been rejected so many times when I applied for work, would I have cherished my CSIRO position as much and worked like I didn’t need to sleep? Had I not made a major snafu just before the start of my position, would I have had the cause and focus to work like there was no tomorrow? And had I not been doing extra work, would I have ever been noticed and been told of the PhD opportunity?

And what if I had never bumped into Dr. Davies my grade 9 and 10 biology teacher? Mathematician? Astronaut? I’ll never know since that wasn’t the plan.

“Men’s natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart.” – Confucius

Time is limited and as I get older I feel that I should focus my time on doing things that are worthwhile. The number one thing that I avoid doing is playing video games. And the activity that I try to do the most is reading, especially books on philosophy or books related to work i.e. computers and biology. This need, of doing worthwhile things, really stems from thinking about my future. The need to start a family, purchase a house and advance my career. But are things like this universally important to everyone?

I guess the real question to ask is, what do you want out of life? And that’s a tough question to answer; especially when you’re alone sitting in your room. I have asked myself this question many times. My answers usually have something to do with “helping people” and “being happy”. Not very specific but it’s a good start. Helping people gives you one of the greatest joys a person can experience, but there are just so many different ways to help people. My current work now helps biologists understand kidneys more, which may someday indirectly help patients with kidney problems. But most of the times, I just see myself working on the computer.

So back to the original question, what do you do in your spare time? Lately, I’ve been obsessed with a book called “The Alchemist”. I highlighted passages in the book that I enjoy and can relate to, watched “The English Patient (again)” to help my visualisation of the desert (The English Patient’s setting is in the desert), and read the book some more. And if you know what “The Alchemist” is about, you’ll know that I am constantly striving to understand the world better and to find myself. So although this blog entry seems to be going all over the place, my main message is encapsulated in the quote stated right at the start of my entry; what a person does in his/her spare time has a lot to do with what the person is like.

But me being me, I didn’t really want to publish this entry because it is so poorly written. And I’m one of those people that scribbles ideas on a piece of paper and then crumples it up x100! Being a perfectionist is more negative than positive!

No Perl, no technology, no pseudo-philosophy/pseudo-intellectual stuff and boring stuff I write about. Let me write about something fun. I’m flying back to Hong Kong tonight. I will get to see my girlfriend whom I haven’t seen since August 23rd.

And no one is more fun than her, so let’s write about her (and she never reads my blog, so I can be blunt ). She is really the light of my life; I’m the dull and boring guy, and she is the exciting one. If it weren’t for her, I couldn’t even finish this post since I’m no fun at all. And I think the phrase “better half” couldn’t be more suiting.

You know how when people grow older, they get more defensive, become less inquisitive, and lose that enthusiasm and purity that kids innately have? I know I am generalising but I believe it is a common phenomenon. Well she is still that naive, happy and uncorrupted child. It makes me smile just thinking about her. I wrote her a poem along the lines of being a “Rose in this concrete world”. Although she mentioned that she likes lavender

She has the most beautiful smile in the world; people just look at her and like her instantly. She is extremely good around people, and carries this aura of happiness. Am I exaggerating because she is my partner? Actually I think I am doing the opposite of exaggeration, since I don’t think I can capture her beauty with my writing.

Where ever she goes, she is THE child magnet. Kids love her, which is why I always encourage her to open a childcare. Her friends love her. But most importantly I love her. How did she end up with an over analysing, logical, soft spoken computer guy? Well that’s how relationships work; one half makes up what’s missing in the other half. And with that I end with this (I just couldn’t resist quoting ):

“I have lost count of the number of couples I have known in whom one partner’s apparent vices exactly correspond to the other’s virtues: bumptiousness to charm, noisiness to quietness, talking to listening, selfishness to grace, nastiness to kindness, meanness to generosity, closed to open, nasty to nice. I suppose people often look for a partner who can voice the parts of themselves they have difficulty in expressing.” – John Lanchester in Fragrant Harbour page 64.

Object orientated Perl! Boy, if there is one thing that I want to fully grasp, this would be it. So I spent time (yet again) reading perldoc perlboot. This would be the second time I’ve been through the beginner’s guide to OO Perl. Here’s are the key points (from memory which may be inaccurate):

1. Packages are used to create “Classes”
2. In each class, you have methods which operate on an object
3. Methods are created by using Perl’s subroutines
4. Methods from can be “inherited” from another class using the @ISA array
5. The @ISA variable needs to be explicitly (if that’s the right word) declared, either using the full namespace or defined globally using “our”
6. A constructor is a method used to create a specific instance
7. An instance is a blessed Perl reference (be it a scalar, hash or array)
8. The arrow invocation arrow “->” is used to specify a method for an object (i.e. $object->$method)
9. When using “->” with an instance, the first argument passed to the method is the object
10. When using “->” in the manner of Class->method, the first argument passed will be the class
11. Interestingly (to me), when you use “->” with an instance, the method can still pick up the class from the instance

So by using these ideas, you can create classes with packages; within these classes you can create methods, i.e. the new method as the constructor which creates an instance of the object.

I think the best way to really learn OO Perl, is to start writing some. I will post my OO Perl exploits as they come along.

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most, always like it the least – Lord Chesterfield 1748 in a letter to his son.

Have you ever felt compelled to give someone advice or to advise them of their mistake when you know that they have erred but hesitated to do so? I know I have, on many occasions. For example, you may notice an apparent and undesirable bad habit that a friend has. Most if not all times, I would like to tell them about it and I have many times in the past. Sometimes they tell me “Yeah I know, it’s something I’ve been trying to adjust”. But after a while when you meet your friend again, they don’t seem to have changed at all. Other times people like to justify their bad habits or they tell me it’s really not much of a big deal. And at that particular moment, I don’t really have anything to say. For once I would like someone tell me “Oh sorry I hadn’t noticed, thanks for telling me” upon hearing my advice. But most people are aware of their problems, they just sweep it under the carpet and it resurfaces every now and then.

So over the years, I’ve lost enthusiasm towards giving people advice. If people want to change, they will do it themselves. More importantly people don’t like it when you’re not minding your own business. But as a friend to the many people who have problems, I still want to tell my friends how having such a habit is bad for them. Sure I have many bad and poor habits myself (who doesn’t?) and I’m not a qualified psychologist/counsellor of some sort. But I still would like to tell them.

On the contrary, I would love to have someone tell me of my problems. I would appreciate the effort of them telling me of my problems. But most people don’t like to talk about these things to avoid awkward conversations. And I have to admit I’m not the most inviting person when it comes to conversations, so I have yet met someone who has told me of my problems (or perhaps I’m just perfect). It would be nice to have someone come and tell me of a bad habit that I have; for example “Hey Dave, you know that yawning without covering your mouse is pretty rude in Australia?”. I have been told that once when I first came to Australia, and have since never yawned without covering my mouth.

When I look back on all these worries I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened — Sir Winston Churchill

I love reading articles that I can totally related to and understand. Today I read this one titled “Self Doubt: A Disease that Doesn’t Discriminate!”. The article starts off much in the style of “The Eighth Habit” by Stephen Covey, where the author writes about common problems everyday people faced. I could relate to many of the listed issues related to self doubt; “What if I’m not qualified enough?”, “What if I get all excited – like I always do – and then fail?”, “What if I disappoint people?” which ultimately leads to “Hmm, perhaps I need a little more time to plan and think about this”.

The only thing I wanted to add to the article is that fear is such a deeply embedded disease. And even when we have acknowledged our problem of fear and made a decision to face our fears, it is an extremely difficult problem to face. Rejection and humiliation are the worst feelings in the world, which is why fear is so powerful. So while the article was great, I felt it was a little tough on people whose lives are affected by fear. I whole heartedly agree that the solution is you, because only you can face your fears and manage your fears. And it’s one of those problems that takes so much effort to correct but the tiniest set back can undo all that was done. The solution I believe will involve a lot of support from friends and family, and taking very small steps on the stairway of fearlessness.